


Trauma & Overcome

by ChromaticTritone



Series: Overcoming Van’s Trauma [2]
Category: Code:Realize ～創世の姫君～ | Code: Realize - Guardian of Rebirth (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Feels, Heavy Angst, Psychological Trauma, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromaticTritone/pseuds/ChromaticTritone
Summary: Van Helsing’s past has affected him in many cruel ways. With the help of his lover, Cardia, he will confront his past, & ensure he can have a happy future.
Relationships: Cardia Beckford/Abraham Van Helsing
Series: Overcoming Van’s Trauma [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174046





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my earlier fic, Trauma & Celebration, & they are both part of the Overcoming Van’s Trauma series.

Cardia turns to all of her friends, all of them now having reached the front door of the mansion—they insisted on walking back with the happy couple. “Thank you for coming to celebrate Van Helsing’s birthday. I hope you all enjoyed your time around the city.”

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world!” says Lupin with a grin. “Thanks for inviting us.”

“It was great to celebrate with you,” Fran says.

“Yes, it was,” says Saint-Germain.

“Yeah!” Impey replies. “No way I’d miss the birthday of Mr. Grumpy McShotgun!”

Van Helsing raises an eyebrow. “What did you just call me?”

“Oh, uh, nothing!”

Cardia giggles at seeing her friends talk so happily among themselves. Then, she smiles. “Well, Van Helsing and I will go in the mansion now. Thanks for walking back with us.”

With that, all her friends leave, waving cheerfully as they do so.

Then, Cardia turns to Van Helsing. “How are you feeling?” she says, her voice slightly concerned.

Earlier that day, the birthday festivities had awakened Van’s trauma from losing his family, and upset his state of mind. So, naturally, this worried Cardia.

Van gives her a smile. “I’m feeling better,” he says, opening the door to the mansion. He holds the door for Cardia, and they both go inside. “Really, I’m fine,” he says as they walk to the sitting room.

But Cardia can tell that he’s hiding something. They enter the sitting room, and sit down together. She looks straight into his eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

He closes his eyes, then opens them again. Then, he sighs. “It’s just…on the day of my birth, I can’t help but think about if I deserve to have been born at all.”

Cardia sucks in a breath. “What are you saying? Of course you deserve to have been born!”

He shakes his head. “Sometimes…I feel like my sins from the Vampire Wars will never be forgiven,” Van Helsing says softly. “Like I don’t deserve to belong in this world because of what I’ve done.”

Cardia leans forward, and gently places her hand on top of his.

“Van, you helped me realize…that I’m not a monster. Loving you has helped me see my own humanity,” says Cardia with a smile. “You deserve to be alive, & you’ve done great things with your life. Think of what you’re doing for Marquis Reinfield right now.”

She looks straight into his eyes. “You deserve to be here, & you belong in this world. I know that for a fact.”

A single tear escapes from Van Helsing. “I…belong in this world.”

He closes his eyes, trying to take those words into his soul.

Then, he opens his eyes, and smiles. “Thank you, Cardia.”

She smiles back. “Of course, my love.” Then, she becomes serious again. ”I want you to tell me when you’re troubled, no matter when it is,” she continues. “I want to be able to help you. Ok?”

“Ok Cardia,” he replies. Then, he smiles. “Thank you.”

And so, the two lovers head off to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Van Helsing jolts awake.

It’s the middle of the night. That much is clear from the darkness around the room. He looks over to see Cardia sleeping soundly.

He remembers her words. _”I want you to tell me when you’re troubled, no matter when it is.”_ For a moment, he hesitates. Then, he gently shakes her.

Her eyes slowly open. “Van Helsing?” she says. She turns to look at him, her gaze full of concern. “What’s wrong?”

She sees the look in his eyes, and her eyes widen.

He sighs. “I…had a dream.”

“What kind of dream?”

“I was back with the king of the vampires, Dracula, gaining his trust, and speaking with the other vampires as well. The next moment…they were dead, all killed by my hand.”

He closes his eyes as tears run down his face.

Cardia sits up in bed, and hugs Van Helsing,

“It’s alright, my love,” she says softly.

“No, it’s not alright,” Van Helsing argues. “I…did something unforgivable. I’m a monster wearing human skin. What I’ve done…I can never change the past.”

“Even so,” Cardia says, “the one to blame here are the higher powers who decided to war against the vampires in the first place,” she says, resolute. “And if Aleister hadn’t manipulated you, you never would have been forced to do what you did. You are not to blame, Van Helsing.” She shifts her body so she can look into his eyes. “You’re not a monster.” She smiles. “Take it from someone who’s been called a monster before—if you were one too, I would know. But you’re not, & that’s why I love you.”

Van takes her words in, feeling reassured. He nods in understanding. Then, he says, “Can you…embrace me as I fall asleep? I think that’ll help me feel better.”

Cardia smiles. “Of course, my love.”

And so, they lay back down in bed, lying together.


	3. Chapter 3

Cardia looks around the room in wonder. “So this is what a noble ball is like!” she says excitedly.

Van Helsing smiles upon seeing his wife so excited. “Yes. These types of gatherings tend to be very…elaborate.”

She turns to him with a smile of her own. “I’m glad the Marquis said it was alright for me to come along.

He smiles back. “Me too.”

“Oh? Is that Cardia and Van Helsing?”

They turn towards the source of the voice to see…

“Saint-Germain?!” Cardia says with a gasp.

Sure enough, it is the count. He smiles. “It is lovely to see you both.”

“What are you doing here, Saint-Germain?” says Van Helsing.

Saint smiles. “As a member of the nobility, my presence at these kinds of events is rather important to my social standing. So, here I am. What about the two of you?”

“Marquis Reinfield asked me to be here,” Van Helsing explains, “and I asked if I could bring my wife. Thankfully, he said yes.”

Cardia smiles beside him. “That’s right. I’m glad I was able to come.”

“Well, that sounds lovely,” says Saint-Germain. He gets a small glint in his eyes. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find a dancing partner. I will see you later.”

With that, Saint-Germain walks away. 

Cardia turns to Van Helsing. “I suppose we should dance now?”

He smiles. “That would be wonderful. Do you know how to dance?”

“No. Do you?”

“You might find this hard to believe, but I do know a little ballroom dancing,” Van Helsing says with a smile. “I learned when I was in my younger days, but I believe I’ll be able to recall enough to lead you well. So, may I have this dance, my lady?”

Cardia smiles. “You may, Van Helsing.”

And so, the couple goes to the dance floor.

Van leads Cardia in a simple ballroom dance, and they step together, both smiling as they dance in each other’s arms. Time seems to stand still as they enjoy each other’s presence on the dance floor.

Suddenly, Van stops dancing, his face pale. Cardia looks up at him. “What’s wrong, Van?”

He breathes, in, then out again. Then, he speaks. “I should have known this would happen.”

“That what would happen?”

He breathes in deeply one more time. Then, he turns to Cardia. “When I was still winning the vampire’s trust, there were times when King Dracula would hold royal balls for his people at the same castle where Delacroix and I fought. Dancing like this…brought back that memory with a vengeance.” He smiles bitterly.

Cardia’s still holding him, still in the same position as when they were dancing, but upon hearing this, she brings her body closer to his, and hugs him.

Van Helsing blinks in surprise at the unexpected affection.

“It’s ok, Van,” she says softly. “It’s ok.”

They stay like that for what seems like an eternity, the couples around them dancing, while Cardia & Van are unmoving, embracing each other.

Then, Van Helsing unexpectedly speaks.

“The vampire’s royal balls were very elegant. Vampires from all across the land would come to be in the presence of their king. And as the king’s royal guest, I would be introduced to everyone that came.” He shakes his head. “I have to wonder…how many of the vampires I met are still alive now.”

Cardia pulls him even closer. “I’m sorry, Van.”

Van closes his eyes, as tears threaten to come unbidden. “How can I…reconcile myself for the things I’ve done, Cardia? Do I even deserve to be alive?”

“You’re reconciling for your past right now, Van.” Cardia says, her voice soft yet firm. “All you’re doing right now is to show how much you’ve changed from the man you were before. You’re doing the right thing, & I love you for that.”

They stay like that, locked in each others’ embrace, as the dancing continues around them.


	4. Chapter 4

Cardia & Van Helsing are lying together in bed, taking in the beautiful morning. Cardia turns to Van Helsing to find a strange sense of sadness in his eyes. “What’s wrong, my love?” she asks.

He gives her a smile, though it’s tinged with sorrow. “I was just thinking about…my family,” he replies.

Suddenly, she understands. “ I see,” she says. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…think I do,” he responds.

For a few more seconds, he is silent. Then, he smiles. “My family…was a very loving one. A family full of good people. You would like them. We were never without anything growing up, & my parents always provided anything my brother & I would need.”

“My younger brother…he wanted to be a soldier, like me. But he was always very gentle at heart. He loved to paint, too. He was a very good painter.” Van stops, his expression slightly bleak. “I wish…I could have saved one of his paintings. As a…memory of him.”

Cardia nods in understanding. “That would be nice, to see his work.”

Van Helsing closes his eyes. Then, he opens them, and continues talking. “You and my brother…would have gotten along,” he says, laughing softly. “You’re both gentle souls who care deeply for others. I know you’d have really hit it off.”

“That’s nice,” Cardia says with a smile.

Both of them are silent for a few seconds before Van speaks again. “I was thinking about them because…” he says, hesitating before finishing his sentence, “…today would be my brother’s birthday.” He smiles bitterly. “My mother would always bake a cake to celebrate our birthdays, & my father would insist that we help her cook. It was always so much fun to eat something you made with your own hands. That’s where I got my love of cooking.”

“I see,” Cardia says. “That’s lovely.”

She thinks for a moment before speaking again. “How about we go into London and celebrate your brother’s birthday? We can buy ingredients to make a cake, and bake it together in honor of his memory.”

Van Helsing turns to her with a smile. “I think…I would like that.”

She smiles back. “Good.”

And so, the couple gets ready to go out, & celebrate the birthday of Van’s younger brother.


	5. Chapter 5

Cardia & Van Helsing are eating one of Cardia’s home cooked meals, when Van suddenly gets a distant look in his eyes. Cardia, who has long understood what this means, stands up from the table and sits next to Van Helsing. She takes his hand in her own, and for a few moments, they sit in silence. Then, Van looks at her with a sigh.

“Who am I, Cardia?” He asks softly.

Cardia can hear in his voice a sense of being lost and confused. Her heart aches as she asks, “What do you mean, Van?”

He closes his eyes. “I let my anger at my family’s death consume me for so long that I lost myself,” Van Helsing says. “All I wanted was to take revenge on Finis. Even when I discovered Aleister was the one truly responsible, I wanted nothing more than to kill. And yet…taking Aleister’s life, even though it saved my own, brought me no satisfaction.” He sighs, and opens his eyes again. “All it did…is make me feel more empty.”

“And now that I’m working to save the people I hurt in my past…who have I become? I’m still so tied down by my past that I can barely focus on the present. Who…am I now?”

Cardia squeezes his hand, and then speaks, her voice firm. “You’re Van Helsing, the man I love, the one who spends every opportunity he can to make life better for the people he hurt in the past. That’s who you are, and nothing is going to change that,” Cardia says.

Then, she leans forward, and gives Van a small kiss on the cheek.

The sudden affection makes Van Helsing go still. The kiss is Cardia’s way of affirming that Van is someone worthy of love, someone worthy of giving and receiving affection. He knows this, and thus, the kiss reassures him.

He turns to Cardia with a smile. “Thank you, Cardia.”

She smiles back. “Of course, my love.”

They stay at the table for a long time, holding hands together.


	6. Chapter 6

Cardia is reading in the sitting room, and Van is sitting beside her, cuddling her affectionately. His head is lying on her shoulder, and he snuggles next to her cheek.

Then, Cardia finishes her book. “Well, that was a good read,” she says, though she doesn’t move because Van is still pressed against her. “I don’t know why I’m reading so many books about families lately. Maybe it’s because…I want us to start a family?” She laughs at the thought. 

Van Helsing, on the other hand, becomes very serious. He sits up, taking his head from Cardia’s shoulder, and turns to face her. 

“To be honest…I’ve never really given much thought to the future,” Van says.

“Oh, really?” Cardia replies.

“Yes,” he says. “After the Vampire Wars ended, I began only living one day at a time, unable to do anything else. My family was dead, and I wanted nothing more than to join them. Then, when Delacroix found me here, I believed he would one day kill me, so there was no point in planning for the future. But now…” His voice trails off. “Everything’s different, but my mindset hasn’t changed. I’m still thinking like I have no future to plan for.” 

“I see,” Cardia says. “Well, what would you think about starting a family together at some point?”

“Starting a family of my own…” Van Helsing smiles, considering it. “I think I would like that.”

Cardia smiles. “I’m glad.”

“But…it would have to be after my work with the vampires is done. I want to make sure they can live in peace before I begin looking after others.’

Cardia nods. “I thought you might say something like that. That’s so like you,” she says with a smile. “You’re like every vampire’s adopted father, especially Delly’s.”

Van Helsing turns to her in surprise. “You think…I’m already like a father?”

“Oh, definitely,” says Cardia. “You want to protect them, and make sure they have a happy future. That’s what a father does for the children he loves.”

Van Helsing smiles. “Thank you, Cardia. That’s…comforting to hear.”

They smile at each other, Van feeling reassured.


	7. Chapter 7

Cardia & Van Helsing are sitting together in the sitting room when Cardia suddenly closes her book.

“Well, I’m going to make dinner,” she says with a smile. “Any requests?”

Van thinks on it for a moment, before responding with a smile. “My mother used to make a delicious meatloaf. But…I haven’t had meatloaf since she died,” he says softly.

“I see,” Cardia replies. “Is that what you’d like to eat?”

“Yes, if it’s not too much trouble,” Van responds. The next moment, he closes his eyes as memories of his past overwhelm him. “My mother would often have my brother & I help cook her signature meatloaf.” He smiles bitterly. “Those are some of the most pleasant memories of my childhood.”

“Hmmm,” Cardia says. “In that case,” she continues with a smile, “let’s make meatloaf together. I can’t promise that it’ll be exactly like your mother used to make it, but I’ll do my best!”

Van smiles back at her. “I think…I would like that.”

And so, the two lovers head to the kitchen to begin cooking together.

Soon enough, they finish cooking together, & retire to the dining room to eat.

Van places some of the meatloaf on his plate, & then, he takes a bite.

His eyes widen. “This is…” his voice trails off as a tear runs down his face.

“Van Helsing?!” Cardia says in alarm. She stands up from her chair & quickly runs next to her lover.

“This is bringing back so many memories…” Van says. Cardia reaches forward, and gently rubs his back as he continues weeping.

Finally, he stops, & turns to Cardia. “I’m alright now. Thank you.”

Cardia smiles. “Of course, my love.”

With that, the two lovers finish their meal together.


	8. Chapter 8

Van smiles. He’s finally coming home after a long day with the Marquis, & he can’t wait to get home & see Cardia. There’s a slight spring in his step all the way to the mansion.

Sure enough, when he gets to the door, Cardia is there to greet him. “Welcome back,” Cardia says with a grin.

“Thank you. It’s good to see you,” Van says.

“I made something special tonight,” says Cardia with a smile.

“Oh? What’s the occasion?” Van asks.

“It’s been a year since you started working for the Marquis,” Cardia explains, “so I thought we should celebrate.”

“A year…” Van smiles. “I can’t believe it’s been that long already. Thank you for remembering.”

Cardia smiles back. “Of course! Now,” she continues, “let’s eat dinner. I made roast duck, & there’s a delicious chocolate cake for desert. Dark chocolate cake,” she adds, “because I know you like your chocolate slightly bitter.”

Van smiles. “That sounds lovely. Yes, let’s eat.”

And so, the lovers go to the table, & begin to eat together.

After a few moments of enjoying their food, Van speaks.

“Am I…truly making a difference, Cardia?” he says softly.

Cardia looks up from her food. “What do you mean?”

He sighs. “Sometimes, I wonder if what I’m doing is enough to forgive what I’ve done in the past. I have to wonder…is how I’m living now enough to atone for the sins I’ve committed?”

Cardia reaches over, & puts her hand on top of Van’s. Van smiles at her gentle touch.

“You’re doing all you can,” Cardia says, “& you’re doing more than enough. I promise.”

Van is reassured by her words. “Thank you, Cardia.”

And thus, the lovers continue eating, & celebrate Van’s work anniversary together.


End file.
